my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
