I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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