thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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