me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
