can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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