i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Apparently you make a good broom.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
