So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
