Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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