he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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