i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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