Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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