new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have already put on my inside pants.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
