Jerry, you need to find god
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
