I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
