After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize