I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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