i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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