So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
