I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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