Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
