listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
