went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
