eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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