he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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