I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
