I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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