If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
