We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
