i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
