I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
