I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
