Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
