youre lurking in front of me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
