im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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