He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
