In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You work out of a Hotel?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I believe in your delicious
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
