Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize