If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
