yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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