she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
