Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize