Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
