I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
