Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i out mim tonsoeep
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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