woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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