Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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