Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
