He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is Oprah even human
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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