You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize