I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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