I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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