is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize