Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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