Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
