I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm bleeding and have questions
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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