Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
