Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
