You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
