So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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