Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
