If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
