just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
