Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
