no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
