When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
NoShamevember. You game?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
