There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
