the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
