he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
