she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
