I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
