and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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