Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
