You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize