remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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