so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
