some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
