Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize