Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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