their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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